


I Will Never Have Anything Better Than You

by INeedAMentalSoapbar



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Chost, Coming Out, Cuddling, First Kiss, Fluff, Insecurity, Michael Che Needs a hug, Racism, Scarjost but they break up, Weekend Update
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2020-05-14 13:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19274023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INeedAMentalSoapbar/pseuds/INeedAMentalSoapbar
Summary: Michael and Colin being angsts and cute together.





	1. We’re Idiots

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. This is my first time doing this. If you see any mistakes let me know. Be gentle. Hope you enjoy!

“The two of you have great chemistry. Is that why you did this together?”

Michael always hated getting asked that question. He knew Ellen only meant chemistry in the coworker, possibly friends way. But Michael wanted more. He looked over at Colin, at his handsome, focused features, and listened to him. Snapping out of his ridiculous faze, he piped in with some jokes. He managed well enough until Ellen mentioned Scarlett. That damn woman that had stolen Colin Jost from him.

Michael has always thought that maybe, just maybe, he’d have a chance with Colin. He’d give him little smiles, or his hand would linger longer than normal on Michael’s shoulder. Small things, but they gave Michael hope that Colin liked him too. But then Scarlett came along, and all Michael’s hope had disappeared.

“The two of you are close, but what is the relationship with Scarlett? Has that affected your friendship? Are you the third wheel on dates now?”

”He’s gonna cry.” Colin said, only slightly a joke.

Michael forced a smile. ScarJo, as he referred to her just to annoy her, was a sore subject and Colin knew it. They had had a conversation about her. Michael tried his hardest to pretend he liked her, but Colin saw right through him. Colin hadn’t brought it up, he just changed the subject, smiling softly at Michael. 

Later they had had some drinks, and Colin had simply hugged Michael and told him that he didn’t have to pretend to like Scarlett, and Colin didn’t bring her up again after that.

Michael rolled his eyes and made a joke about dating an Elmo to show Colin he was okay. Because he was. He really didn’t want to risk their friendship. Still, he couldn’t help but be a little truthful about the way he was feeling.

“He changed a lot though since I feel like.” He turned to Colin, making it clear who he was talking to and about. “You’ve changed. You don't invite me places, and when you do you ditch me.” 

The audience all awwed, giving the two courage to continue the conversation.

“You don’t invite me anywhere.” Colin defended. “You don’t invite me to come over, hang out, have dinner.”

”Well yeah. If you’re with Scarlett Johansson I don’t want to tell you to come to this dive bar with me and watch a Yankees’ game. I feel like, you know, maybe you have better things to do now.”

Colin fixes him a with a stern look. “No.”

Michael wanted to respond, but Ellen, sensing tension, moved on.

 

 

———————-OwO———————

 

Michael sat in his office later, trying to write just one freaking sketch. However much he tried, though, he couldn’t quit thinking about his best friend. Knowing that he was also working, Micheal grabbed his laptop and coffee and headed to Colin’s work area. 

Colin glanced up as Michael walked in his office, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he just sat up on the sofa he had decided to work on instead of at his desk to make room for Michael. They worked in silence for a couple hours, Michael’s mind somehow put at ease in his company, before Colin closed his laptop and put it on the coffee table in front of him, before gently doing the same with Michael’s. They turned to face each other.

”I think we need to talk.” Colin said looking directly Micheal as if daring him to argue. Michael simply nodded.

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” There was a long pause, neither quite sure what to say. Eventually, Michael spoke up again. “I just feel like every time I tried to get you to go somewhere with me, you always had plans with ScarJo, or you would make up some really bad excuse. So, I just stopped asking.”

“I swear I didn’t mean to ignore you, Michael. That is the last thing I want you to think. I was just trying to ...that is I wanted to...what I’m trying to say is...”

”Just spit it out Colin,” Michael said surprisingly soft.

”I’m just dating Scarlett to get over you.” Colin burst out in one breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he awaited rejection.

The silence in the room grew until it was broken by Michaels deep, rumbling laughter.

Colin’s eyes sprung open. He couldn’t believe Michael was laughing at him. His face must have given away his hurt because Michael shook his head and ceased his laughter long enough to explain himself.

”We’re so stupid. Colin Jost, I’ve been in love you for years!” He broke down in another round of laughter

Colin sat there, dumbfounded. Michael Che loved him? Then something in his head clicked, and he joined Michael in the laughter.

They laughed for what seemed like hours. As they began to regain their dignity, their faces began to slowly move together until dry lips met soft ones. It was a sweet chaste kiss, nothing particularly special about it, but they both felt fireworks. Michael suddenly pulled away, ending the kiss. Colin looked at him, flushed and confused.

“Colin, you’re still dating Scarlett! This is so, so wrong!”

“Actually, I broke up with her after the interview. I realized that it wasn’t really fair to her. I love you too much for her to have any chance.”

Michael couldn’t do anything but grin and pull Colin on top of him. 

They kissed leisurely for a while, exploring, memorizing each other. Eventually Colin yawned, tucking his head into the crook of Michael’s neck.

“Night, babe.”

Michael knew that he’d wake up with a sore neck, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care enough to do anything about it. He had everything he could’ve asked for. They both fell asleep, more content than they had ever been.

“Good night, Colin.”

 


	2. Why Us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Colin try to hide their relationship with varying degrees of success.

The two men woke up, sore as predicted. Colin grinned at Michael, wishing he had a way to take a picture of the sleeping man below him. Sitting up slightly, he checked the time on his watch.

“SHIT! Michael, wake up!”

“What?” Michael said, sleep still evident in his voice.

“Get up! The writers’ meeting is in 10 minutes and we’re still in the clothes we wore yesterday!”

“Shit!” Michael jerked up, flinging Colin off of him in the process. They ran around the office, trying to get themselves looking presentable. Luckily, both men kept spare outfits in their offices for when they had a late night, which happened often. They got to the meeting just as the clock turned 9. They glanced at each other and grinned, sitting in their normal seats near the head of the table.

The meeting seemed to last forever. The two kept exchanging glances, before blushing before quickly looking away. If some of the other writers noticed, they didn’t mention it.

After the meeting ended, they met up again, this time in Michael’s office. They sat on the loveseat that Michael had, with Colin resting his head on Michael’s shoulder. They worked quietly, occasionally trying out a joke in the other. The friends continued on like that for hours, getting lost in the familiarity of the situation.

As they were getting up to head out to dinner, Colin started getting nervous. Michael, having been Colin’s best friend for 5 years, noticed. 

“Hey man, what’s wrong?” Michael asked with a concerned look on his face.

“It’s nothing, just...Are we dating?” Colin asked, looking unsure and adorably awkward.

“Do you wanna date me?”

“Honestly? Yeah, I do. I want to be able to call you my boyfriend. I want to hold your hand, kiss your cheek, and call you babe. I want you to be mine, and me to be your’s.”

“Okay. Are you sure? I’m sorta...clingy.”

Colin grinned stupidly. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Okay, well...” Michael said, looking a little flustered. “Yes. Yes, I would love to be your boyfriend. Do we need to step by HR now, or can we wait?”

“No, I’m sure it can wait until tomorrow. Right now I just want to go to dinner with my boyfriend.”

They grinned at each other, and headed out into the city that never sleeps, holding hands, and without a care in the world.

——————-OwO———————

They visited HR the next day and sorted everything out. They decided they would come out the next week on Weekend Update. They also wanted to surprise the cast, so they tried to keep their relationship secret. Of course, it was hard. Colin suspected that Kate knew, and maybe Leslie too.

One day, they were cuddling with Michael on the bottom playing with Colin’s hair. There was a knock on the door, then Pete burst into the office, screaming something about Trump with cats.

“Colin! I have a great—Oh!” Pete looked shocked, then a mischievous grin burst out over his face. “Hey, Leslie! Kate! Come here! Colin has a great skit that I want you to hear!”

“WHAT!! No Pete!”

“Wazzup my creamy scoop of vanilla ice cream?” Leslie asked, winking at Colin. Michael glared at Leslie, unable to stop the surge of jealousy. Colin glanced at him and smiled, subtly moving closer to him to comfort him.

“Yeah, we were working on something. What’s this fantastic idea?” Kate popped in, looking slightly annoyed.

“Uhhh.....” Colin searched his mind for any ideas for what he could say.

“Actually, it’s a surprise, we were going to put into Update.” Michael jumped in, rescuing Colin, and turning his glare to Pete. Pete gulped and nodded his understanding.

“Oh, my bad guys. No need for the death stare, Che.”

Colin sighed as they all left. This was going to be harder than he thought. He flopped back on the couch.

“Why us? What did we do to deserve this?” He sighed dramatically.

“Cause, babe. The world was jealous of us. We’re too great. It’s trying to get back at us.”

“Ha-ha. I just can’t wait until Saturday. Then we don’t have to freak out every time someone walks in.”

“Yeah, well Saturday will come soon.”

“It better.” Colin leaned on Michael.

“It will, babe. Promise. Love you. I mean it.”

“Love you too. So much. But, if Saturday doesn’t come soon, I will kill you.”

Michael chuckled, then went back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. The Weekend Update show is next. Stay tuned!


	3. He’s Mine Not Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin and Michael do Weekend Update.

Saturday, true to Michael’s word, came soon. The pair were helping make last minute changes after dress rehearsal when the time came to get ready for Update.

“You ready?” Colin asked Michael as he checked his tie knot in the mirror for the fifth time in two minutes.

“Yeah. You seem a little nervous. You sure you wanna do this? We don’t have to if you’re having second thoughts.” Michael replied as he massaged Colin’s shoulders.

“Positive. I’ll finally be able to hold your hand in public. I can’t wait to see their faces.”

The co-anchors sat down at the Update desk. The audience cheered as the intro ended.

“Good night everybody! Welcome to Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.”

“And I’m Michael Che.”

It was going smoothly, the pair landed all of the jokes, adding winks, smirks, and sly smiles that had the audience eating out of their hands.

Leslie had an interview on Update, on getting in shape for the summer.

“Wazzup everybody!” Leslie screamed, pumping up the audience.

“Hey, Leslie. So, I hear you have a new take on how to get in shape.” The interview went great, and soon the moment Michael and Colin knew would come came.

“So, Leslie, you think a diet of unhealthy food is perfectly fine, as long as the food has kale in it? I don’t know about that.”

“Oh, Colin. You’re so adorable. My diet will always work my sugar cookie. ” Leslie grinned at him as always.

“Hey! What are you doing!?” Michael said, playing the part of the jealous boyfriend.

“What, you jealous, Che” Leslie teased, slightly confused. After all, this wasn’t on the cards.

“Why on earth would I be jealous? He’s mine, not yours.” At that the audience gasped, Leslie looked perplexed, and Wally was handed 20 bucks. To help Leslie out, and to get rid of any doubt anyone might have, Colin rolled his eyes and grabbed Michael’s hand.

“Wha—-ohhhh.” Leslie’s eyes went wide in surprise, then burst out in a grin wide enough Colin was scared it might hurt her cheeks. “I owe Kate 100 bucks, I guess.” Michael was worried that Leslie was going to punch them for not telling her sooner. He didn’t worry for too long though, because Leslie attacked him and Colin in a bear hug. After a full minute of everyone going crazy, Michael saw Wally making the “wrap it up” sign.

“For Weekend Update I’m Michael Che.” Looking over at Colin, he saw that he was distracted, caught up with Leslie in a conversation Michael wasn’t sure he wanted to interrupt. “And he’s my boyfriend Colin Jost. Good night!”

With that he grabbed Colin’s shoulder and kissed him, tuning out the cheers of the audience, keeping it sweet.

“I finally have all I want.” Michael sounded surprised as he said it. Colin wasn’t sure if it was because he said it aloud, or the words themselves. Either way, he grinned.

“Me too. By the way, we owe Leslie 100 dollars.”

Michael laughed as they were ushered off the set. They were about to be cornered by Kate, but they looked at each other, grabbed each other’s hands, and sprinted for the door.

“Colin Jost! Michael Che! You get back here!”

They didn’t look back, stopping three blocks away to catch their breath and grinned at each other. They shared another sweet kiss, deciding they wouldn’t trade this for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure what I’m going to do for the next chapter, or if I’m going to do anything. If anyone has suggestions, let me know. Thanks for reading😘


	4. Lie Detector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Colin do a lie detector test for Vanity Fair. Takes place about a year after previous chapter.

Michael and Colin were happy with the way life was working out. They were doing what they loved, with the person they loved. The cast at SNL all were supportive of their relationship, even going so far as to suggest sketches with them acting like a married couple.

As perfect as life was, Colin wanted more. He wanted to be able to wake up with Michael every day, to cuddle at night. He wanted to move in with Michael Che.

The co-anchors did many interviews as a pair, especially after they announced their relationship on SNL. So, when they were told they were doing an interview for Vanity Fair, they were unsurprised to say the least.

When they got to the interview, Colin went to talk to the person in charge, mostly about scheduling, which left Michael by himself in a room with a lie detector and a lady he had never met. It was a bit awkward until the woman asked whether Michael had ever taken a lie detector test.

“No. Honestly I’m a little nervous,” Michael admitted. He wasn’t sure why. He knew Colin wouldn’t ask him anything he didn’t want to share, at least on purpose.

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s completely safe, and we’ll edit out any footage that you don’t want to be shown. After all, this isn’t live.” She was trying to comfort him, which for some reason just made him more nervous.

“Yeah, that’s the hardest part of SNL. I guess I just forget that other things aren’t live.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Wazzup?”

“Are you and him actually dating? It’s a little weird isn’t it.”

Michael was shocked. “Yeah, we’re dating. Why is that weird?”

“You’re black and he’s white. It must be a little awkward.” Michael really didn’t want to be hearing this. He was about to make up an excuse to get out of the room when Colin walked in.

“Hey, I’m Colin. Let’s get this over with, yeah?” He seemed a little peeved to Michael. Maybe he heard some of the conversation.

“Yeah, okay. My name is Kelly, I’ll be administering your lie detector test today.” The woman, Kelly, said.

Colin went first. Michael was very proud of the embarrassing questions. Colin, being the more responsible person, ended up lying a couple of times, just so that the internet didn’t blow up, like when he was asked whether he looked at Michael’s penis, or whether he had dreams about him. Colin’s a man, okay?!

It was difficult not to notice the tension between Michael and Kelly. However, even she laughed a couple of times at their antics. And she couldn’t deny the connection shared in the look after Michael talked about where he was from.

“What do you think is wrong with where you grew up?”

“Well, there was broken glass everywhere.” He chuckled, Colin joining in. “Uh...what’s wrong with it? Not enough attention.” 

At that, they gave each other a look that could not be described as anything else other than caring. They even seemed to forget about the cameras for a minute

Despite the fact that she seemed to be warming up to them when Colin asked Michael whether they would make good roommates, she made such rude faces that they didn’t even show her on the camera.

“I’m sorry, is something wrong Kelly?” Colin asked. Michael could tell that he was getting tired of the racist woman.

“No, of course not.”

Michael rolled his eyes. Colin went through the last couple of questions. After they, finished, Colin grabbed Michael’s hand, glared at Kelly, and gave Michael a heated kiss. When they pulled apart, Colin dragged Michael out of the building, gripping his hand so tight that Colin’s knuckles were turning white.

Michael let him until they got on the subway.

“Colin, babe, you’re kinda hurting my hand.”

Colin looked down at their hands and loosened his grip a little. “Sorry, it’s just...I hate the fact that there are people like her in the world, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. But we’ll find a way to get away from the judgment.”

“Yeah, I know.” Colin still looked bothered by something. Michael scanned his brain for anything that had happened in the interview that would have caused it.

They say in silence until the subway got to Colin’s stop.

“See you later, Colin. Love you.”

“Love you too, Michael.” He looked even sadder as he got off the subway. That’s it!

“Colin, wait!” Michael sprinted off of the subway, just as the doors started to close. Colin turned and people were staring. “Colin, I didn’t mean it.”

“Mean what?” Colin looked hopeful.

“I think we would make great roommates, it’s just that Kelly already didn’t like us, and I was trying not to start anything and I—“

Colin cut him off with a kiss, hungry and yet sweet and gentle. “Michael Che, will you move in with me?”

Michael, despite his bravado, was still thrown by this. He wasn’t sure whether Colin was fully understanding of what this meant.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this? As much as I hate to say this, there are a lot of people like Kelly. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Michael, I love you. As long as I have you, I don’t care. The world could be filled with Kelly’s and I’d still want to move in with you. So, will you move in with me?

Michael was shocked by Colin’s speech. All he could say was “Yes, yes I will.” Colin grinned at him, and they headed off to Colin’s place, both excitedly awaiting the next step of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Love you guys! Thanks for reading and I hope you’re enjoying this!


	5. You’re An Easy Man To Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Colin are in LA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one takes a bit of a turn. There is a very strong racism story in this chapter, so if you don’t like that stuff, don’t read this one. I’ll leave a basic summary at the end so you’re not missing anything. Next chapter will get back to more fluff. It’s all after the line break, so you could just read up to that too, I guess

Colin and Michael woke up on Friday morning, curled up together on Colin’s couch. They had both had a late night, or closer to an early morning. They lied there, soaking up the warmth from each other.

Just as Colin was about to doze back off, Beck popped his head in.

“Hey, uh, Jost, Che!”

“Yeah, what’s up, Beck?” Colin groaned internally, although, if the reaction Michael had was any sign, it wasn’t as internal as he was hoping.

“Lorne was looking for you. Something about the Emmy’s, I think.”

“Oh, thanks, man. We’ll find him.”

“Yeah, no problem, we on for drinks tonight?”

“Drinks? Count me in. Hey, bring Kyle, we’ll make it a double date.”

“Sweet. See ya later!”

“Yeah.”

Michael groaned. “Did you just volunteer me for drinks tonight?”

“Yup.” Colin said, popping the “p”. “If I’m tortured, so are you.”

“You’re lucky I love you, Colin Jost.”

“Yeah, I know. Now let’s go find Lorne.”

The two finally found Lorne sitting in Michael’s office, seemingly just waiting for the duo to find him.

Despite the fact that Colin had worked for Lorne for almost 13 years, he still got slightly nervous when he was around him.

“Uh, hey Lorne. Uh, Beck said you, um, wanted to talk to us?”

“Yes. I want you two to host the Emmy’s.”

Michael and Colin just stared at each other.

“Hello? I’m on a time limit.”

Michael snapped out of it sooner. “Uh, alright. Sounds fun.”

Michael’s voice snapped Colin out of his trance. “Sure, what’s the schedule?”

“Talk to Sara about that. I have some auditions I need to watch.” With that, Lorne walked out.

They stared at each other for another long while, before they both burst out laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing.

“Okay, I guess we have to go find Sara.” Michael managed to get out, calming down a little bit. “Do you know who Sara is?”

“Yup. Let’s go.”

 

———————OwO———————

 

Pretty soon the two were off to LA, where they were going to plan and promote the Emmy’s.

“I gotta tell you, man, you better be ready to deal with a whole bunch of crying Che.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Colin said, properly confused.

Michael looked at him strangely. “Surely you know what happened last time I came here. I must’ve told you sometime when I got drunk or something.” Michael seemed extremely bothered.

“Babe, you okay? Are you sure you wanna stay? I’m sure we can arrange going back to New York, and flying in a week instead of a month before.”

“Naw, I got you this time. I’ll be fine. If I start crying though, don’t act surprised.”

“What would you be crying about?” Colin asked, concerned.

“I... fine, but only cuz I love you, and I trust you.”

“Yeah, if you don’t want anyone to know, I promise I won’t tell. What happened?”

“So, last time I came here, and I mean for an extended period, like longer than one week, I was doing a month-long tour for my stand up gig.

Anyway, I was walking downtown to get some fried chicken, and I had my headphones on, listening to Kendrick. Needless to say, I was oblivious to the world.

So, I was walking down the street, and I saw this white dude turning into an ally. No big deal, that’s whatever. But I got curious, so when I passed the ally, I looked down. It looked like he was trying to freak this dude out, so I took my headphones off, and did what I learned from the news.”

“Which was...?”

“Take a video, I took a video, and I walked down closer so I could see what it was about. I mean they both looked kinda young, so if it was something weird like ‘Yo don’t mess with my girlfriend’ I was just gonna leave it alone.

But when I got down there he was calling the dude a black faggot who couldn’t do anything right, and then he started punching him.

So I did what seemed like a great idea at the time, I yelled at him to stop to make my presence known.”

“ _Seemed_ like the right thing to do?”

“Yeah, it didn’t turn out too hot. Turned out he had a friend, with a gun, who he called over. His name was Mr. Policeman. White Guy started telling Mr. Policeman that Other Dude and I were attacking him with guns. Other Dude ran off, but I got stuck there. I was reaching into my pocket to grab my wallet because of Mr. Policeman _told me to_ , and he tried to shoot me. Twice. The bullet grazed the first time, and hit my shoulder the second time.”

“I’m so sorry Michael. You don’t deserve that, baby. Nobody does.” Colin hugged his boyfriend tight, the only comfort he knew how to give right now. Michael was sobbing at this point.

“It wasn’t even on the news Colin! I got shot, by a policeman, another black guy got beat up, and nobody did anything about it. I turned in the video, and they didn’t even do anything with it!” Michael broke down after that, unable to continue to talk.

“I’m so sorry. I love you. I’ll protect you. Nobody’s going to hurt you again.” Colin repeated it like a prayer, rubbing Michael’s back as he cried. Eventually, as Michael was calming down, Colin moved them so they were laying down on the bed in their hotel room.

Michael cuddled up to Colin getting as close as humanly possible, seeking comfort from the man he loved, and Colin was happy to give. Anything the Michael wanted, he had no doubt he would give him. Colin shook with sadness and anger as he imagined Michael getting shot just because he tried to defend someone else.

“You know what the worst part is? There are people in the world that wouldn’t see anything wrong with that. They would just say that I provoked him.” Michael said softly, looking broken. “I just want to be treated like a fucking human being. Is that really too much to ask?”

“No baby. You’re right. The world is messed up. But we’ll figure it out, and hopefully, by the time we leave Earth, we’ll have left it a better place. For now, let’s go to sleep. We can start changing the world tomorrow.”

“Okay. Hey Colin?”

“Yeah, love?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Loving me.”

“No problem. You’re an easy man to love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot Summary-Colin and Michael go to LA to prep for the Emmy’s. Michael opens up to Colin about a violent police encounter. Crying and love ensue.


	6. I Never Told Anybody That Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin and Michael do press for the Emmy’s. Colin tells his story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abuse and bullying mentioned.

Colin and Michael were doing press promos constantly. They made another stop by the Ellen show, thanking her backstage for asking the right questions.

“Yeah, well if you guys get married, I better be invited,” Ellen said, only half-joking.

“Deal.” Colin laughed hugging her, on their way out.

A couple of interviews hit a little close to home, especially after Colin and Michael’s talk.

“Michael, Colin, I thought you’d be missing New York, ‘cause you’ve been out here for a while, so we brought you some New York treats.”

For Michael, it was a reminder that he was not in the city with his family and friends where he felt safe. He was instead in the city where he got shot and was left on his own to call for help. He hated being somewhere he felt scared just walking around. He hated feeling so helpless.

For Colin, it was a reminder of Michael’s story, but also his own homesickness. Of course, it was nowhere near Michael’s anguish, but he wanted to see his mom, brother, Leslie, Kate, even Pete. He wanted to go back to sitting on the couch in his office, or the loveseat in Che’s. He wanted to see his boyfriend relaxed and in an environment where he felt safe. He wanted to go home.

Neither is them were actually excited about hosting the Emmy’s, either. It was a lot of stress, for an outcome that they weren’t invested or remotely concerned about. It makes them seem like dicks, but it just wasn’t something they were into. You don’t ask people who are into D&D to host a sports show. At SNL, sure there was a lot of stress, but they liked what they were doing.

However, instead of voicing this out loud, Colin just grabbed a birthday cake flavored something, and ate it.

Later on in the interview, the interviewer (Colin couldn’t be bothered to remember her name at this point) showed them of a segment that was going to go in the interview.

“Colin and Michael have become known as a sort of odd couple themselves.” She then asked them “How are you guys alike? How are you different?”

Michael, of course, responded with a joke. “Are we different?” Colin just looked at him and shrugged, letting him continue. “I’m wearing a pink hoodie, and he’s wearing a cashmere sweater. If that doesn’t tell you somethin’...” He trailed off into chuckles, Colin and Interview Lady joining in.

She showed yet another clip, this one saying “Two comedians from two very different backgrounds using jokes to take on the world, and sometimes each other.” Back to live, she asked, “Are nerves starting to set in?”

Colin jumped in to answer this one, his overwhelming desire to please forcing its way through. “Well, nerves, of course. I would not be able to be going through and doing this without Michael, so I’m very happy he’s here.” He turned to Michael to gauge his reaction.

“I could do it alone. Probably more fun.” Michael said, joking around. Colin laughed along but felt slightly hurt. He was an insecure person, and even though he knew that Michael was joking, he still found himself worried that he wasn’t enough. But he tried his best to push it aside, knowing that now was not the time to have that conversation.

The rest of the interview went over well, and soon Michael and Colin were on their way back to their hotel room.

Once they were back in their room, they flopped down on the bed and found the funniest thing on the TV, which happened to be Friends. They had both seen basically every episode over 10 times, but they still found parts of it hilarious. So when Colin hadn’t laughed at Ross screaming “PIVOT! PIVOT!”, he turned off the TV and turned to Colin.

“Colin? What’s wrong babe?”

Colin looked startled as Michael started talking. Once Michael was done, however, he didn’t answer. Instead, he looked at Michael with an obviously controlled blank face.

“What do you mean? I’m fine.” Colin said, trying to force his voice to stay level, and to an outside person, it did sound level. However, Michael had Colin for over 5 years.

“Don’t lie to me, Jost. What’s wrong?”

Colin looked Michael in the eyes, regretting it as soon as he remembered he couldn’t say no to Michael’s puppy eyes. He sighed and turned to lay on his back so that he didn’t have to look Michael in the eyes.

“I know this sounds stupid. But just hear me out, alright?”

“Oookay...” Michael said slightly scared

“Okay. So when I was young, like, 6 or 7, there was this kid I knew named Tommy Taft. And he would make fun of me all the time, and I’m talking all the time. He played tons of sports, and it didn’t matter that I played all the same sports, and was better than him at some of them. Nope, the only thing that mattered to him was the fact that I was chubby. He called me Chubby Colin and Fat Freak. I tried telling my parents, but they didn’t believe me, not even Casey. He was my brother.” Colin’s voice started to crack, but he had to tell someone, anyone. Michael grabbed his hand gently, and squeezed, but didn’t say anything. Colin needed to get it out.

“He didn’t stop, even when we were getting older. Some of the insults changed. Faggot Freak, things like that, once I wasn’t overweight. He started beating me up in high school. I would come home with black eyes, and bruises all over me. I love my parents, but they never questioned it. I remember one time my dad told me I should stop running into poles. I told him it was Tommy, and he got really mad at me. He said that Catholics don’t blame things on other people, they admit their problems to God and hope that he solves them.” Colin pauses, unsure whether he should continue. Michael squeezed his hand again, and Colin took a deep breath.

“Later that same year I had got a boyfriend. Do you know how hard it is to find a boyfriend at a Catholic school? Anyway, I was talking about him to my parents. I hadn’t told them he was my boyfriend, I wasn’t even out to them yet, but I had mentioned that he had a boyfriend. ‘You cannot hang out with someone like that.’ my dad said. When I asked why not, he slapped me in the face and told me that ‘Good Catholics follow the entire Bible’. Casey finally stepped in and told my dad to stop. I was 15, Michael. I just wanted someone to love me.” Colin cried, trying to get through the rest of the story.

“That night, I had called Liam, my boyfriend, and he came and snuck into my room. We didn’t do anything, just sat on the floor and talked. We didn’t even sit in my bed. I had come out to Casey, so I told him, and he tried to stop him, but my dad burst into my room and saw Liam. I hadn’t told Liam about the conversation earlier, so he introduced himself. My dad connected the dots pretty fast. He screamed at Liam for a long time. When he finally let Liam go, he turned to me.” Colin’s faze turned cold, his voice bitter.

“Well, turns out the Bible has no problem with fathers beating their sons. He made me strip, then lay down on my bed, stomach down. He took off his belt, and just hit me, I laid there for what felt what hours, screaming, asking him to ‘Please, stop!’ When that didn’t work, I asked God for mercy. My dad just kept at it. My mom had to call the priest at our church and pretended that the priest had called her so that he would leave. Casey ran in as soon as he left, and tried to comfort me. My mom came in after to try to put stuff to help me heal.

My dad is fine now. The priest convinced him that I was still me. I didn’t mention anything to do with my sexuality, and he never beat me like he did that night.

Anyway, all that to say I’m very insecure about myself. Which is stupid, I know other people would kill to be me, but, there’s the story.”

“Colin, I’ll make you a deal. As long as you protect me, I’ll protect you.”

Colin just sobbed harder at that. Michael finally allowed himself to hug Colin, wanting to make him feel safe.

“I really don’t deserve you.” Colin sniffled after he had calmed down a little.

“Funny, I was just about to say the same thing.”

“Hey, Michael?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I never told anybody about that. It felt...good to get it off my chest.”

Michael nodded.

“I love you so much. I’ll be here to listen for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Be careful, Michael. You’re going to get yourself a lifetime contract.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”


	7. Married?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin wants to marry Michael. Drama ensues.
> 
> WARNING- THERE IS SEXUAL ASSULT/RAPE! IF THAT TRIGGERS YOU, DON’T READ CHAPTER

Finally, they were back home, where they belonged. As Michael saw his fellow SNL employees, he decided that he was never going to leave again.

Michael voiced this to Colin while they were eating lunch on Monday.

“Hey, Colin? I’ve decided that I’m never leaving NYC again.” He declared, chomping on a piece of pizza.

“Oh yeah? What about stand up?” Colin asked, looking vaguely amused.

Michael thought about it for a little bit. “I’ll do those, but never in LA, and never without you.”

Colin smiled softly and kissed Michael sweetly. “Yeah, you arrange that with whoever and I will go happily.”

It was Michael’s turn to smile. They walked out of the restaurant hand in hand, happy to be home with each other.

 

———————OwO———————

 

Colin began thinking as the week went on. On top of the regular weekly stress, he was constantly writing sketches, just to look at what he had typed to see that it was just about Michael.

“I want to marry him,” Colin whispered to himself, startled by how true the statement was. He wanted to marry Michael Che. Colin sighed and put his head in his hands. Well, this was just great. Sketch ideas were due in two hours and Colin had absolutely nothing.

He tried to work, really he did, but it just wasn’t working. He ended up submitting an old sketch that he had saw in his files. The sketch, of course, was rejected, but at least he had put something in.

Michael noticed Colin’s change in attitude. One night, as they were watching Toy Story 3(Michael wanted to know whether Colin would cry) Colin smiled as Michael cuddled up to him, then began to looked very stressed. Michael was worried, naturally. When he asked what was wrong, Colin just looked at him directly in the eyes and said that he was perfectly okay, and would Michael just please not move.  
Michael complied, confused but willing to do whatever Colin wanted of him.

However, as the strange behavior continued, Michael got worried. Colin had started talking to Leslie and Kate more and more, which normally wouldn’t be a problem. However, the conversation was often about him, if the looks that he was getting from the trio were anything to go by, and couldn’t be good, because whenever they noticed he was in the room, they would immediately stop talking and just push Colin towards Michael with faces that looked like they were expecting something to go down.

Eventually, Michael decided he needed to figure out what Colin was being so secretive about. He didn’t want to be that boyfriend, but enough was enough. It had been 6 fucking months.

So, when Colin told him that he was going to be staying late, and Michael should just go on home, Michael put his plan into action.

He kissed Colin good night, telling him not to stay too long. Then he headed down to the lobby, where he sat in a corner seat and put his headphones on and watched for Colin.

Colin eventually headed out, looking like he was late for something.

“Maybe he is. Maybe he’s meeting somebody. Maybe he’s cheating on me.” Michael shook his head, trying to shake the idea out of his head. Michael followed Colin around for about an hour. He just seemed to be wandering around the city. Just as Michael was starting to feel guilty for following Colin, he walked into a gay bar.

Michael stood on the corner of the street, staring at the door of the gay bar. Despite his earlier thoughts, he never expected Colin to cheat on him. Michael fingered the ring he had started carrying around him everywhere. He hardened his face and marched across the street to where Colin was.

 

———————-UwU———————

 

It took him a while to find Colin. When he did, he was talking to the bartender while he got what looked like a beer. As he talked, a guy walked up to Colin and wrapped himself around him. Colin jumped and turned around. There was a look of resignment in his face when he looked at the culprit that made Michael’s gut twist. Something wasn’t right.

The man whispered something in Colin’s ear. His face turned into an unconcealed face of fear, and he nodded. The man grabbed Colin out of his barstool and began to drag him in the direction of the bathroom. Michael managed to get there before them and went into one of the stalls. If Colin was in trouble, he was going to stop it. He had promised, after all.

Soon enough Michael heard the unmistakable voice of Colin. 

“Tommy, please.”

Tommy? Why did that sound familiar? Michael tried to remember where he had heard that name before. The sound of Tommy’s voice snapped him out of it.

“Oh, shut up, Faggot Freak.”

Of course! Tommy was the name of Colin’s bully. What the hell was going on?

“Tommy, please don’t do this. Please!” Colin begged him.

“You’re such a fucking coward. Just take it like a man. I’m going to fuck you, and you’re going to take it. And if you don’t, your faggot boyfriend is going to get visited by me again.”

Michael froze on his way out of the stall. Again? Was this the man who shot him in the alley?

“Don’t you dare get anywhere near him. I swear to God, Tommy. I’m going to kill you. If I didn’t know that you could deflect any charges I threw at you, your ass would be in jail right now.”

“Shut up, fag.”

Michael heard grunting, and the sound of a zipper and pants being pulled down. Colin’s whimpering turned into a phrase. “I do not give consent. Everything you’re doing is sexual assault. I was threatened into having sex. If you continue, it will be rape.” He repeated this over and over.

Michael just stood in the stall, unable to move, until he heard an animalistic growl from Tommy and a howl of pain from Colin. He snapped into action, breaking the door down in his haste.

The sight that greeted his eyes was terrifying. Colin had been pressed over the sink counter. Tommy was standing behind him, one hand forcing Colin to look at himself and Tommy through the mirror, and one hand in Colin’s ass.

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!” Michael screamed. Colin looked at him through the mirror, visibly startled. Michael crosses over and punched Tommy in the face again, and again, and again. He kept doing it long after Tommy had fallen on the ground. When he finally stopped himself, he looked back at Colin, who was watching and sobbing.

Michael crossed the small space between them. He searched Colin’s eyes. Colin just stared back blankly, still sobbing.

“Can I touch you? Just to hug?” Michael asked, not wanting to overwhelm him. Colin just collapsed onto Michael, heaving sobs. Michael rubbed his back and whispered reassuring things in his ear, trying to help him.

After all Colin’s tears had been used up, he pulled away slightly. He looked up at Michael, who looked at him with what he hoped was a loving expression.

Colin wiped his nose on his sleeve. “Can we please go home?”

“Of course, babe. Anything you want. Anything at all.”

 

————————UwO———

 

Several weeks passed, which consisted mainly of Colin trying and succeeding in burying himself on work to avoid thinking about what had happened, and Michael trying to help

Sunday morning, Michael woke up before Colin and decided that today was going to be the day he proposed. He had kept wanting to do it, but with everything that was going on, he didn't think it was a good idea.

He got up and headed to the kitchen. He made Colin’s favorite. Scrambled eggs, toast cut diagonally with butter, plus blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries, and a big glass of orange juice.

He headed back up to their room, where Colin was still asleep but was now hugging Michael’s pillow. Michael set down the tray and took a picture, knowing that both of them would like to be reminded of better times occasionally. He then gently woke up Colin. He sat up in the bed groggily.

“What time is it?”

“8. But I made breakfast.” At the mention of food, Colin perked up. He smiled at Michael and grabbed the food, shoving it in his mouth.  
“Man, did they steal your food when you were younger? Slow down, Colin!” Michael said, amused at his boyfriend’s antics.

After Colin finished, he made grabby hands at Michael, indicating that he wanted to snuggle. But Michael had other plans.

“Can I say something real quick?” Colin pouted but nodded anyway.

“So, I know these last several weeks have been...hard. I’m just so proud of you for being strong enough to get through it. I love you so much, and I’m so thankful to be able to spend any amount of time with you. And then, when you said you loved me too, it felt...” Michael trailed off looking for the right word.

“Too good to be true?” Colin filled in, his eyes already starting to shine.

“Yeah, exactly. But then, it was true. And we started dating, and we moved in with each other. We opened up the way that I, at least, never opened up to before. I love you so much, and I feel really greedy, but I want more. So, Colin Jost, will you marry me?” Michael finished staring at Colin with tears in his eyes.

Colin stared back. “You big fat idiot. I wanted to propose!” Michael stared at him in shock. Colin rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help grinning. “Of course I’ll marry you!”

They both grinned. Michael slid the ring onto Colin’s finger, then kissed him, fast and passionately.

Their coworkers, especially Leslie and Kate were still trying to figure out what had happened with Colin. Michael tried to fend them off, just telling them that Colin was tired. They believed him for a while, but soon enough they were suspicious again. Colin never let his tiredness go past one week. So when he came back on Monday, after a full day of time to just sleep, and was still “tired”, they had some questions. Michael tried so hard to tell them to lay off, and that Colin didn’t want to talk about it, which was true. Michael had tried to get him to talk about a week ago, and Colin had just begged him to let it go with a look on his face that Michael just couldn’t deny.

But, Kate and Leslie wouldn’t have it. So, naturally, they burst into Colin’s office with Michael on their heels, demanding that Colin open up immediately.

Colin looked up at them, his face aging about ten years, then looked at Michael.

”I tried to tell them that you were just tired, but they didn't buy it. I told them to lay off, but they didn't listen.” Michael said apologetically, not knowing what else to say.

Colin nodded in understanding, then turned his attention to the two women. The three had a staring contest, then Colin sighed and gestured for them to sit down on his couch, getting up to close the door. Michael just leaned against the door jam. He looked at Colin with a questioning look in his eye, and Colin just nodded, allowing him to be in the room too.

“So, about seven months ago, I decided that I wanted to marry Michael. So, I went to this gay bar because I wanted to get advice from gay couples on how to propose. I ran into this man, Tommy, who had bullied me as a kid, but I didn’t realize it was him. I saw that he had a ring on his finger, so I asked him whether he would help me out with proposing to my boyfriend.

He called me a fag, and I got confused because for fuck’s sake, we were in a gay bar. I mean, read the room! Anyway, I got confused, but I moved on. I found a man that was happy to help nearby. I introduced myself, and Tommy heard the name.

He came over and pulled me away from the man. The man looked annoyed, and probably a little worried once Tommy introduced himself, but he didn’t meddle. Tommy seemed a lot nicer than he was as a kid, so I didn’t try to fight the conversation.

Eventually, however, the subject of dating came up. Tommy went on and on about how great his girlfriend was. He asked me who I was dating and I told him Michael Che. He seemed confused, so I described Michael for him.

That’s when the bad stuff started. He dragged me outside, by my hand so that people would just think we were a couple in a hurry. It worked, we even got a few cheers. Once we were outside, he told me that he had...met Michael before.” Colin glanced up at Michael, making sure that he knew what he was talking about. Michael just pushed himself of the door jam and hugged Colin, who happily clung back. They stayed like that for a while until Kate cleared her throat, gently reminding them that there were other people in the room.

They separated, and Michael sat down at the floor near Colin’s feet, unwilling to get any farther than that. Colin smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes, and continued on.

“He finished talking about Michael, and then told me that if I didn’t do what he wanted that he was going to hurt him. So, I did what he wanted. He used me as a punching bag a couple times, but mainly he just wanted to have sex. I always informed him that it would be rape, and he always informed me that I should just shut up and be a man.

Then, about a month ago, Michael somehow managed to get to the gay bar where I was, and hid in the bathroom and stopped it.” Colin choked up, unable to go into any detail. Michael stood up and hugged him tight, wishing that he could take all of Colin’s pain. Kate and Leslie just sat there looking at each other. After a brief mime meant they got up and joined the hug. 

“Have you told the police?” Leslie asked gently. Colin shook his head against Michael’s chest.

“And you can’t either. Please. You gotta promise you won’t tell anybody.” Colin looked up pleadingly. Leslie and Kate grudgingly agreed. Michael just stared at Colin, the two seeming to have a conversation without ever opening their mouths. Michael kissed Colin gently.

“I’m sorry girls but we all really need to get back to work.” The women left, both thinking of how they could convince Colin to tell. Michael and Colin just continued to hug, trying to soak up any warmth.

Leslie stopped as her and Kate walked away.

“What’s up?” Kate asked.

“Did Colin have a ring on his finger?”

The two women sprinted back into the office. True enough, Colin’s left hand held a black ring rimmed in gold.

“MICHAEL CHE EXPLAIN YOURSELF!” Leslie shouted, pointing to Colin’s hand. Michael had the good sense to look sheepish.

“We’re getting married?” He said, making it sound more like a question than a statement.

“MARRIED?!”


	8. We Always Do

Michael had to say, life was going pretty well. Colin knew exactly what he wanted the wedding to be, which let Michael be allowed to not care.

Don’t get him wrong, he wanted to marry Colin. He just didn’t care where, or what flowers would be in the background. He definitely didn’t care what the napkins were going to look like. As long as he could say vows and I do, he was good.

Colin was happy as could be. He never expected that he would have free reign over a wedding. He had assumed that he would be marrying a girl, and therefore would have to compete over everything.

They hadn’t broken the news to the public yet. Colin had started wearing his ring on a chain around his neck. They wanted to do something on Update, like when they announced they were dating. This time, they also had the help of everyone in the cast, as all of them already knew.

 

The week came soon. They managed to get Seth to make an appearance on Weekend Update, after telling him the plan. They also managed to do this on the same day that Bill Hader was hosting the show.

 

The Weekend Update started as expected, with Bill Hader rolling into the set as Stefon.

“July 4th is coming up, which means millions of tourists will be coming to the Big Apple. Here with some tips on what they can check out is Weekend Update city correspondent Stefon!” Colin pauses for the thunderous applause. Despite, or maybe because of, his rare appearances, Stefon was always cosmically adored by SNL fans everywhere.

“So, Stefon, do you know any good places to go for the fourth?”

“Ooh, yes, yes, yes yes. New York’s hottest club is Yeehaw, Cowboy!” And with that, Bill was off. It was laugh after laugh, both from him and the audience.

“Stefon, as fun as bowling with midgets for pins sounds, I’m looking for something a little bit more...normal.”

“Normal? Oh. Well, I’m going to need some assistance. Can I call out my husband?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Everyone welcome Seth Meyers everyone!” As the audience cheered, Seth crawled out from under the desk, makeup making him look flushed, or at least Colin thought it was makeup. It was hard to tell with Seth and Bill sometimes.

“Hey babe, what’s up.” Seth grinned, kissing Bill on the cheek as he plopped down in his lap.

“Oh, Seth, do you need a chair?” Michael looked around back stage.

“No no, this seating is just fine.” Bill said with a hip roll that left the meaning more clear than some may have wanted.

Colin cleared his throat uncomfortably before moving on in the segment. “So, Seth, any places for July 4th?”

“July 4th? Well, me and Stef are going to Stonewall. But normal people? There is no room for them there, they’d fit in better at Hole in the Wall, off Independence Street, they have a great celebration.”

“Ah, babe, why do you even know that place. It’s so boring.” Bill pouted, sucking on Seth’s neck as he pouted. Colin’s makeup theory wasn’t working out too great.

“Married couples might also enjoy Couples Only night there on Thursday’s. Too bad you can’t join me and Stef there boys.” Seth leaned back against Bill, both waving gold wedding rings in the camera.

Colin exaggeratedly glanced at Michael, drawing the audiences attention. He forced his face to look unsure, and Michael grabbed his hand above the table and nodded.

“Well, Seth, we’ll be able to join you soon.” As Colin spoke he took his ring from where it rested against his chest and showed it to the camera.

There was silence as the audience tried to comprehend what Colin was holding, then the silence broke as an enthusiastic audience member screamed “Its about time Che put a ring on it!” That seemed to break whatever trance everyone else was in, and soon the room was filled with cheers and wolf whistles.

Colin tried shouting over the noise, desperate to end Update to spend time with Michael, but he was unheard. He sent a desperate look at Michael, who nodded in understanding. Wally was looking at them with something akin to pride, and he pointed to the outro line, then to both of them at the same time, then started counting down. When he got to 0 they both screamed at the top of their lungs “FOR WEEKEND UPDATE WE ARE COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE! GOOD NIGHT!” After they were done they promptly sprinted out of the room, giving Colin flashbacks Colin the first time the came out on TV.

They made it to Colin’s office, stopping just inside of the closed door to catch their breath. Colin grinned at Michael and pressed a kiss to his chapped lips before burying his head in Michael’s chest. 

“I love you so much.” Michael muttered into Colin’s hair as he hugged him back.

“Ditto.” Colon said with a smile before yawning.

“Let’s go home, huh?”

“Yeah.”

As they left, Colin’s ring on his finger and his hand in Michael’s, they decided that life was perfect.

 

—————————OwO——————————

Of course, no good feeling can last that long. Monday morning, Colin got a call as he and Michael were working in silence except the clicking of keys and mugs being picked up and put down.

“What’s up?” Colin answered as he continued to work. 

He paused as he continued to listen to whoever was in the other side of the phone. His knuckles turned white as they gripped his phone tighter.

“Did your client tell you what he did to me or my fiancé?”

Michael felt a pit growing in his stomach. There could only be one person they were talking about.

Tommy.

“Yes sir, I’ll see you then.”’ There was a pause as Colin listened to the phone. “I understand what you’re saying. If he’s pressing charges, I have done charges I’d like to place too. See you in court, sir.”

Colin put the phone down, shaking with anger. “Tommy pressed charges for the punches.”

It took Michael a couple seconds to remember what punches he was talking about.

“Oh.” That was all Michael could say as all the consequences of that flooded his mind.

“Michael, it’s gonna be okay, you know that right.” Colin looked at Michael concerned.

“Colin have you seen me. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m black. Not only is Tommy white, he’s rich white. He’s already beat me once, what’s different about this time?” Michael looked up hopelessly, breaking Colin’s heart.

“The difference is I’m here. I’m not letting anything happen to you.”

Michael sunk down on Colin’s chest, longing for the warmth he offered so freely.

“Together we’ll figure it out, I swear.” Colin said, playing with Michael’s sweatshirt strings.

“I know. It’s us. We always do.”


	9. Next Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin, Michael, and Tommy go to court.

The day of court came, Colin and Michael waiting anxiously.

The judge had refused to let them press charges against Tommy until Michael’s trial was over, so they scheduled the earliest date.

It was set on Sunday, Colin and Michael specifically asking for this date so they wouldn’t have to explain anything to Lorne yet.

Colin straightened his time for the hundredth time, staring at his reflection on the mirror as he tried to get it just right.

Michael noticed the nerves of his fiancé. He finished putting on his coat and walked over to Colin, putting his hands on his shoulders and turning him around. He fixed Colin’s tie and smoothed down the nonexistent wrinkles in his suit jacket. Michael gave Colin a small peck on the lips before smiling gently at him.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

Colin sighed and shook his head. “You don’t know that. Tommy’s good, Michael. He has money and influential family. Beating him is going to be nearly impossible.”

“Colin, look at me.” Michael waited until he did it before continuing. “We have hired the best lawyer we could. We are well known celebrities. We have done everything we can to win. If we lose, we’ll talk about it when it happens. For now, you need to be positive. If you go in there thinking we’re gonna lose, that’s exactly what’s going to happen, okay?”

Colin inhaled deeply and held it before letting it out in a puff. “You’re right. Let’s do this thing.” Colin flashed Michael a smile before they headed downstairs to wait on an Uber.

 

——————-——OwO————————

Michael and Colin arrived at the courthouse an hour early to meet with their lawyer.

“Colin, Michael. You guys ready?” Their lawyer gave them a reassuring smile, calming them both down immediately. She radiates a mom energy that was impossible to resist.

“Yes ma’am.” They said in unison, grinning at each other afterwards.

“Colin, you’re still okay with testifying right? We don’t want to force you into anything, it’s totally alright if you don’t want to do it.”

Colin nodded, squeezing Michael’s hand tighter. “Yes ma’am, I’m sure.”

“Great, then let’s go ahead and take our seats. We are ready.”

 

The trial started soon after. The judge entered and everyone rose to their seats, Colin letting go of Michael’s hand to smooth his jacket down again. They were seated, and Tommy’s lawyer got up to present his opening statement to the jury.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client, Thomas Taft, was assaulted by this man, Michael Che. He had no reason to attack Thomas and he did. I ask that you find him guilty of assault.”

Colin grabbed Michael’s hand and squeezed. Michael glanced back at Colin, squeezing back. He looked worried as their lawyer stood up to address the jury.

“Ladies and gentlemen, my client was acting in defense of his, at the time boyfriend, now fiancé. He therefore pleads defense and we ask that you find him innocent.”

The trial went on, the jury seeming to lean toward Tommy’s side. Then came time for Colin’s testimony.

“Your Honor, at this time I would like to call Colin Jost to the stand.”

Colin stood up and headed to the stand. He raised his right hand and repeated the oath before sitting down in the surprisingly comfortable chair.

“Colin, what is your relation toward the defendant?”

“I’m his fiancé.” He glanced at the jury, but none of them looked annoyed. In fact one of the women smiled to herself and gave him a subtle thumbs up when she saw him looking.

“What was your relation to him at the time of the alleged assault.”

“We were just dating at the time.”

“Could you tell me what happened that night.”

Colin shifted in his seat feeling uncomfortable. He looked at Michael, who gave him a small smile. “Okay, well I had decided, maybe 4, 5 months prior, that I wanted to propose to Michael. So, I had began to research ways to propose.”

“Objection, Your Honor! Relevance!”

Colin looked up at the judge. “I assure you, sir, it’s important. The backstory won’t take much longer anyway.”

“Overruled.” The judge nodded at Colin to continue.

“Anyway, after a while I decided that I needed to ask face to face advice. So, about a month before the night of the incident, I decided to go to a gay bar, to ask around there. I ran into Tommy, the prosecutor. I knew him from childhood, he used to bully me. I hadn’t seen him in two decades, so of course I didn’t recognize him.

I asked him if he was married or engaged, and he nodded. I then explained that I wanted to propose to my boyfriend, and asked him if he could give me any advice. He totally went off on me, screaming about how I was such a fag, and I got confused, because we were in a gay bar for fu-, I mean God’s sake. I left, still not knowing who it was, and soon found another man who was more than happy to offer some advice.

I introduced myself to the man, and I guess that Tommy overheard. He walked over and introduced himself. The man I was talking to looked rather annoyed, and a bit worried, but Tommy seemed insistent, and I figured that he could’ve changed, so we began to talk.

Eventually, relationships came up. He was going on and on about this girl that he was dating. I mentioned Michael by name and he went still, looking like he was trying to place the name. I brought up the fact that he was on SNL, but that didn’t seem to help, so I described him. Tommy’s eyes lit up in recognition and his face turned.... cruel is the only way I can describe it.”

Colin hesitated again, looking around the court house. He saw a couple kids, maybe tweens.

“I’m sorry Your Honor, but is there anyway the young people could step out for a couple minutes? This gets...bad.”

The judge nodded, and the kids stepped out of the room, looking worried. Colin knew that they were probably just going to listen at the door, but at least he tried.

His lawyer cleared he throat gently, reminding Colin what he was doing.

”Where was I?”

The court records keeper read out his last sentence.

“That’s right. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside of the bar. The people who noticed, which was few, just assumed we were a couple about to have sex, and we got wolf whistles.

We ended up in an alley and he pressed me against the wall. Turns out he had met Michael previously, and some things had happened.”

“Can you tell me what happened, Colin?” His lawyer asked sympathetically.

Colin glanced at Michael, who shook his head and mouthed “Please.” 

“Umm, well I don’t really think it’s super important for this case to know the specifics and it’s a sensitive subject for my fiancé. I can tell you it was a violent and racially charged interaction.”

“Okay. Can you tell me how you knew he was referring to Michael and not someone who looked like Michael?”

“Michael and I had talked about the event previously, but he hadn’t had a name of the other person. Tommy described the same situation Michael did.”

“Alright. Continue the story please.”

“Okay, well he talked about Michael for awhile, then he said that I was going to do what he told me to or else. I asked ‘Or else what?’

He replied saying that he would hurt Michael again if I didn’t agree. I knew that it would be hell to attempt to pin Tommy for anything so I agreed. However, the things Tommy wanted from me weren’t money, or drugs. He wanted sex. I openly refused, telling him that if he was to have sex with me it would be through rape.

He didn’t seem to care. He still constantly found me and would take me. I had taken to saying a chant during the ordeal because, and I know this is going to sound stupid, but I had seen an episode of SVU where the victim couldn’t pin the dude because he was able to pretend that he didn’t realize the girl didn’t want it to happen. So, I made sure that couldn’t happen.

That went on for about a month or so, he was raping me about twice a week. I pretended I had stayed late at work so that Michael didn’t get worked and he believed me for awhile. Our job requires odd hours and different people get inspiration at different times.

After a bit, I guess he realized something was going on. So, one night I was in a bar drinking beer. I just wanted it to be normal. He’d done it the previous day, so I wasn’t expecting him to approach me, plus I went to a bar he wasn’t normally at.

I felt someone tap my shoulder and turned around. It was Tommy. Having not been prepared I probably looked scared. I got a couple of concerned looks as we went to the bathrooms. At that point I was more or less accustomed to it, do I didn’t put up a fight until we got to the bathroom.”

Colin’s voice turned bitter and distant.

“I begged for him to stop, he called me Faggot Freak, a fun nickname from my teenage years. He continued on to tell me to “take it like a man” and threaten Michael again.

I told him to set stay away from my boyfriend.” Colin hesitated. “How much detail do you need of the...um...you know.”

His lawyer smiled sadly. “As much as your able to give.”

Colin nodded shakily. “He shoved me against the sink and took my pants and underwear off. The he flipped me over and grabbed my hair so that I was looking at myself in the mirror. The I heard a zipper unzip and his penis pressing into my ass, and I screamed, because it burned. He didn’t try to prep at all, why would he?

Then I heard someone scream “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM” and saw Michael through the mirror. He grabbed Tommy and punched him. I didn’t see much of what happened after that, I was crying to hard. It couldn’t have been more than 30 seconds before I was hugging Michael, and we went home.”

“Thank you Colin, that would be all.” Colin nodded, trying to figure out whether he could get up yet.

“Prosecution, would you like to cross examine the witness?” The judge asked, answering the question for him.

Tommy’s lawyer nodded and stood up, bringing a file with him.

“Mr. Jost, you say that Michael came into the bathroom as you were being raped, and pulled Thomas off of you, correct?”

“Yes sir.”

“You also said that you had lost track of time due to the stress correct?”

“Yes sir.”

“Is it possible that Michael did more damage to Thomas than necessary to defend you?”

“Michael Che is not a violent person. Plus, I saw Tommy in the way out, he looked fine. He might have had a black eye, but there was no excessive damage.”

“Is it possible though?”

“Physically yes. But we would’ve been informed sooner.”

“No further questions Your Honor.”

“Mr. Jost, you may return to your seat.”

Colin quickly got out of the chair and walked to Michael who immediately grabbed his hand and squeezed. Colin smiled weakly and buried his face in Michael’s shoulder.

“Does the prosecution have any more witnesses?”

“No, Your Honor. Prosecution rests the case.”

“Defense, any more witnesses?”

“No Your Honor. Defense rests the case.”

“Okay. We will have a hour recess. Jury, decide your verdict.”

 

Michael and Colin stood up, intending to get coffee or to do something to get away from the courtroom. They headed outside, but stopped in their tracks. There was tons of cameras, flashing at them as reporters started screaming at them.

Colin saw the boys that he had asked to leave coming towards them, and turned towards them. They had a little girl, maybe 7 or 8, with them.

“Colin?” the girl asked, looking up at him.

“That’s my name. Are you guys okay?” Colin has to shout over the noise of the reporters. The girl shook her head and put her hands over her ears.

“Okay, let’s get you inside, shall we?” Colin glanced at Michael, who ushered the two older kids, both boys around 11 or 12, inside, talking on their ears on his way. 

Colin looked down at the girl, who was now squeezing her eyes shut. He picked her up, and she automatically put her head in his shoulder, still covering her ears. He walked inside with her, walking over to Michael who was talking to the boys.

Before Colin could figure out what was going on, their lawyer ran over.

“Colin, Michael, the jury’s got their verdict, we need to go back in the court now.”

They nodded. Colin tried to put the little girl down, but she just clenched his shirt tighter, refusing to be let go.

They walked in the courtroom, the two boys with Michael and the little girl in Colin’s arms. They sat down, and the judge smiled at the sight.

“Jury, what was your verdict?”

“The jury finds Michael Che on the count of assault, innocent.

 

They grinned at each other and leaned across the table for a chaste kiss.

“We did it.”

Michael grinned at Colin, nodding in agreement. “Now for the next step.”

Colin looked down at the little girl in his arms. This felt like a dream, and not one he was sure he wanted to wake up from.


	10. Package Deal

With the trial behind them, Colin and Michael were able to begin their case against Tommy.

Michael wrote down his story, about LA, about thinking Colin was cheating, finding him in the bathroom, everything. He was determined not to miss a single detail, even things that might not help the case.

He brought the stories down to Allison after changing the names, under the pretense of writing a story. 

“Che, the way you write...it seems so real.” She said, wiping a tear from her eye. 

“You like it?” He asked, holding his breath. She nodded. Out of all the writers on SNL, she was the least supportive of their relationship. If she was moved, he would be satisfied. “It’s actually true.” he said, watching her facial expression carefully.

She looked up at him, emotions all over her face, jumbled and muddled. Finally she stood up, hugging him. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

He smiled, and accepted the apology. Now to go talk to Colin to see how his end was going.

 

Colin approached his story from the same angle. He had to tell the rape story as well as help their lawyer find evidence. Luckily, the alley that Tommy had first cornered Colin in had a security camera with audio.

Michael walked into Colin’s office to see his fiancé sleeping on his desk. As well as the court case, the couple still had to maintain their job as co-head writers, an already stressful job. They put a pause in the wedding planning. They also had three kids living in their apartment.

It turned out that they were Casey’s kids, going to Colin as a last resort. Casey had died five years ago, and they had been living with their grandmother, Colin’s mom. However, they got to be too much, so they were kicked out. They heard that Colin was in the courthouse, and of course Colin and Michael took them in.

Michael picked Colin up, an easy task. Colin was not taking the stress well, barely able to sleep or eat. Michael moved him to the couch, where he snuggled up with him. They hadn’t had a good time to sleep in a long time, and Michael fell asleep quickly.

 

They woke up a couple of hours later to knocking on their door. Colin sat up, shaking Michael as he rubbed his eyes. “Come in.” He called out through a yawn.

The door to his office opened and Leslie stepped through, along with Kate, Beck, and Kyle.

“We just wanted to see how you guys were doing, since you both missed the writers’ meeting.” Leslie said, plopping next to Kate on the couch after Colin made room, Beck and Kyle plopping on the floor.

“Oh shit!” Colin exclaimed, turning to Michael, who just smiled a little and kissed him on the temple.

“Calm down, my little Saltine cracker. I grabbed your laptop before I went over and told Lorne one of the ones you two came up with together. He actually liked it. I told him that you guys were running late from lunch.” Michael’s hand tightened on Colin’s leg. Despite the fact the Leslie has made it clear she wasn’t actually into Colin, Michael still got a little possessive. Colin found it endearing, and leaned in closer to him to let him know. 

“Thanks Leslie. We’re fine, just stressed out with the kids and the trial is all.” Kate and Leslie looked at each other, then tuned to Beck and Kyle. The four of them had a silent conversation for a couple minutes before Leslie nodded.

“How about we take the kids for the rest of the week? We’ll bring them back around noon on Sunday. That way you can focus on the trial and work.”

“I don’t know...” Colin said, trailing off. “They don’t know you guys very well. What if they think we’re trying to get rid of them?”

“Colin, babe, they’re right. We can’t handle all of this right now. We can talk to the kids tonight, and bring them in tomorrow. We can talk to them every night, but right now we need to get the trial stuff ready. It’s a week away.”

Colin nodded, looking resigned. “You’re right. I just don’t like it.”

Beck spoke up. “So, would you rather have the boys with me and Kyle, and Kelly with Leslie and Kate, or keep ‘em together, and then visit each of us a couple days?”

The couple looked at each other, it was their turn to have a silent conversation.

“I think that Kelly should stay with Kate and Leslie and Beck and Kyle take the twins? We could talk to the kids and see whether they agree tonight, and text you guys.” They all nodded, agreeing to the plan.

Leslie got up and the rest followed suit.

“Oh, hey Leslie, which sketch did Lorne like?”

“Oh, the one with the babies ruining the wedding.”

Michael smiled. “I liked that one.”

Colin grinned. “Good, ‘cause now we need to actually finish the sketch.”

 

 

The couple headed to their apartment, holding hands. They stopped by the grocery store. The boys ate food as fast as they could put it on the table.

They got home to see what could only be described as adorable.

“God, they’re already picking up our habits, aren’t they.” Michael commented as they took in the sight.

Colin couldn’t help but smile and nod in agreement. Jacob and Josh, who were actually 12, both had fallen asleep on the kitchen table, homework spread out in front of them. Kelly, who was 7, was laying on the table, using Josh’s head as a pillow.

Colin snapped a picture before moving to wake them up. “Jake, Josh, Kelly. C’mon, we got food.” At the mention of food, three heads popped up. Michael chuckled and put the pizza down in the table as Colin went to put the rest of the groceries down to unload later. Josh grabbed the plates, Kelly and Jake poured glasses of water for the family.

The kids finished up the pizza, and were beginning to clear the table when Colin spoke up. “Hey, guys, wait.” They stopped, confused looks on their faces.

“You guys know that we have the trial next week.” The kids nodded, still looking confused. “We were wondering whether you guys would mind, just until Sunday, spending time with Kate, Leslie, Beck, and Kyle.”

The kids looked at each other. “Just until Sunday, right?” Kelly asked, sounding scared.

“Yes, then you guys would come back here.” Kelly still looked uncertain, as did the twins. “We’ll call every night if that would help.” The twins looked at each other, then at Kelly. They all nodded, looking still uncertain.

“Whose house do you guys wanna stay at? You don’t all have to pick the same person.” 

Kelly spoke up first. “I wanna go to Aunt Kate and Aunt Leslie’s house and paint my nails pink!”

“We wanna go to Beck and Kyle’s.” The boys were more hesitant with the aunt and uncle titles.

Michael and Colin nodded. So their predictions were correct. Colin sent out a text confirming it to them, then closed his phone.

“Cool. You guys will come to the office after school instead of here, and go home with your respective adults.”

The kids nodded. Jake and Kelly went to their bedrooms, but Josh stayed behind. “Hey Uncle Michael?” Josh asked quietly.

“Yeah?”

Josh bit his lip before continuing. “Will you promise me something?”

“Depends on what it is, bud. What’s wrong?”

Josh looked him in the eyes, blue eyes piercing brown. “Don’t abandon us forever.”

Michael got up and kneeled in front of Josh’s chair. “I promise, on my love of your Uncle Colin, I will never abandon you.”

Josh shook his head. “People quit loving all the time. Mommy quit loving us, that’s why she gave us to Gran. And Gran quit loving us, that’s why she kicked us out. Just because you love Uncle Colin now doesn’t mean you’ll love him later. You gotta promise on something that will always be there.”

Michael nodded. “Alright. I, Michael Che, swear on every star in the sky, that I will never abandon you, Joshua Scott Jost. How’s that?”

Josh nodded his approval and hugged Michael. He then approached Colin.

“I remember you, from when Dad was alive. You won’t leave us, will you?”

Colin’s heart broke a little, and he wanted to refuse to answer the question on the grounds of how ridiculous it was. But he could tell Josh needed it, so he answered. “Josh, look at me. I have no inclination to leave Kelly, or you, or Jake. But if you don’t believe it, think of it this way. You and your siblings, you’re a package deal right?”

Josh nodded. “Of course.”

“Okay, well me and Uncle Michael, we’re a package deal. So if he’s not gonna abandon you, neither am I. Got it?”

Josh nodded, and Colin ruffled his hair, earning a hug in response.

“Alright, now go to bed, you’ve got a long week ahead of you.” Josh nodded and ran off to get ready for bed.

“Now for the hard part.”

“What’s that?” Colin asked, standing up and shuffling towards their bedroom, followed by Michael.

“Having to leave them.” Colin sighed, knowing that Michael was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sketch idea with the babies is from BlackSilkRose.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I’m working on a story for last nights episode where Michael called Colin beautiful. It just seemed like to big an opportunity to waste, so look forward to that.


	11. Trial Time

Colin and Michael woke up the next morning dreading the day’s events. Even though they had only just got the kids, they were very attached, and they could tell the kids felt the same way.

Colin packed the kids‘ lunches, something they normally did themselves. He put notes in each of their bags telling them that they are loved.

The couple’s work day was pretty average. Both men managed to write a couple rough drafts for sketches, as well as finish up their stories. They had a meeting tomorrow with their lawyer.

The kids arrived while they were in a meeting, so they texted them where they were. Colin, who was already feeling guilty for leaving them for four days, refused to make them sit in his office for two hours.

The writers looked at the door as it opened and three children walked in. They took a look around the crowded room and found their uncles, who were perched on a chair together.

Josh and Jake walked through the room, Kelly on Josh’s hip, muttering apologies as they squeezed their way toward them.

Colin gestured towards a table holding a coffee pot and some styrofoam cups near them, which surprisingly nobody had plopped on. The boys sat on the table and took out their homework.

Kelly plopped down on Colin’s lap and grabbed a piece of paper and some crayons and began to happily scribble.

The room had gone silent when the kids came in. Colin looked around, and rolled his eyes as nobody was speaking.

“Bryan, what are your sketch ideas?”

Bryan looked startled at the voice, but quickly began spouting out ideas. Soon the room was back to its original volume, and the kids were soon forgotten, except when Colin and Michael had to pause to help with homework, or to admire Kelly’s art.

The meeting went smoothly, and soon was over. Colin and Michael hung back, waiting for everyone to file out of the room.

“Alright, you crazy kids ready?” Colin asked, ruffling hair and picking up Kelly.

“We have to leave already?” Jake asked, sounding nervous, despite that he and Beck got along well.

“Nah, Jake, chill out. Your uncle is just dramatic. You’re just gonna hafta meet some more of the cast, probably.” Colin stuck his tongue out at Michael in retaliation.

“Huh, why?” Josh spoke up.

“They’re gonna becoming out of a meeting, and it’s between us and my office.” Colin answered Josh.

“Yay! Candy!” Kelly exclaimed, and Colin chuckled. Colin kept candy in his office for whenever he needed a candy rush to get through writing a sketch. When he’d learned the kids’ favorite candies, he’d made sure he kept some in case they had to spend excessive time in his office.

“That’s right. Candy!” Kelly wasn’t the kid he was worried about meeting the cast. Despite their young age, the boys were cautious around other people, unwilling to trust anybody. That had been pretty obvious when they had attacked Leslie after she commented that Kelly was so cute that she may just have to steal her.

The family, however, didn’t run into any cast members, and made it to Colin’s office, where Kelly jumped out of Colin’s arms to go to the candy stash, where she grabbed her candy necklace.

Josh and Jake made theirselves comfortable on the couch, Kelly jumping on top of them when she had finished putting the necklace on. The three of them say there silently, staring at the clock.

When the clock hit 6:58, Leslie and Kate walked in the room. Upon seeing them, the boys put their arms around Kelly.

“Aunt Kate! Aunt Leslie!” Kelly happily shrieked, struggling against her brothers’ arms.

The boys reluctantly let her go, and she ran toward the women, who picked her up and twirled her around.

“You ready to get your pink on?” Leslie asked, grinning. Colin had been shocked to see how well she did with kids.

“Yeah!” Kelly ran back to her brothers, tackling both of them into one of her signature hugs. The boys smiled, hugging her back.

She then skipped over to Colin, who picked her up and gave her a kiss on her cheek and whispered “I love you” in her ear before putting her down. 

She ran at Michael next, hitting his legs do hard he almost fell down. He knelt down and whispered something in her ear, making her giggle and nod, before she skipped off to Leslie and Kate, who were waiting at the door. She grabbed each if their hands and pulled them, chatting about what they were going to do.

 

The boys sat on the couch, watching the clock again as they leaned on each other.

The sight broke Michael’s heart. They looked like they were waiting for their death sentence.

“Hey guys.” They looked up, eyebrows raised in question. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise. We’ll come back for you.” The twins nodded, looking down.

Colin and Michael looked at each other and walked toward them. “Hey guys.” It was Colin’s turn to speak.

“Yeah?” Jake answered.

“Michael and I love you. We will never leave you, alright?” The two boys nodded, not looking too reassured.

Colin and Michael looked at each other again. Michael nodded at Colin.

“We were gonna surprise you with this on Sunday, but I think you guys need this now. We were wondering whether you guys, all three of you, would want us to adopt you.”

Jake and Josh stared at them, then at each other. They started to cry, tackling Colin and Michael to the ground. “Yes, yes.” Jake sobbed, Josh echoing his sentiment.

Beck and Kyle chose that moment to walk into the room. Colin noticed them first, peering at them from his spot of being pinned to the ground.

Colin grinned at them, and tapped the boys on top of him. They shifted, and saw Beck and Kyle.

They got up, wiping their eyes, and grabbing their bags. Beck and Kyle looked at Colin and Michael, utterly confused.

Colin shook his head, and gestured to his phone, indicating that he’d text them later.

Beck and Kyle nodded. The boys walked up to the men, waving bye to Colon and Michael as they headed out with Beck and Kyle, the worry wiped of their faces, and replaced with excitement.

Colin and Michael looked at each other, smiling. Colin walked over to Michael and gave him a kiss, arms wrapping around his body as he rested his head on Michael’s shoulder. 

“Trial time.” Colin sighed, nuzzling his face further into Michael’s shoulder, voice muffled.

“Trial time.” Michael replied, face buried in Colin’s hair.

 

——-———————UwU—————————-

 

The rest of the week went by slowly, Michael and Colin worried, about the trial, the kids, their job. The trial had been set for 8:00 on Monday.

They told Kelly of the adoption news over Skype, and 15 minutes later had been greeted by an armful of Kelly after she had forced Leslie to bring her there.

Sunday came, and the kids were dropped off, Josh and Jake around eleven, Kelly closer to twelve.

The couple was greeted with hugs from the three kids, as well as some handshakes from Beck, Kyle, Leslie, and Kate.

“Okay, what do you guys wanna do for the rest of the day?” Colin asked after closing the door after Leslie and Kate.

“Play football!” “Watch cartoons!” “I wanna see the MET!” The kids turned to each other, arguing about which activity they should do.

Colin and Michael looked at each other. “Alright. How about Kelly, you watch cartoons until after lunch, Josh you play football with Michael, and Jake you come with me to the MET?” The kids nodded, happy with the deal.

Colin and Michael made some burgers for lunch, and they all sat down. When they were done each kid ran off to get dressed for their respective trips. Kelly was going to go with Michael and Josh, and play with her jump rope.

Colin and Michael headed off in separate directions, making plans to meet up at the Steak ‘n’ Shake in four hours. That would give Jake enough time to look around, and Josh and Michael enough time to change into the clean clothes they had brought with them.

Jake had a fantastic time at the MET, dragging Colin around every time he saw something cool, or a famous painting. Colin couldn’t take the grin of his face, watching Jake so happy made his heart feel light.

Josh and Michel had an amazing afternoon in Central Park throwing a football around. They even took a break to play hopscotch and go to the carousel with Kelly.

The family met up at 5:30 at Steak n Shake, where they ate before walking around the city. Kelly wanted to be carried pretty soon, and Colin put her on his shoulders, where she giggled every time she had to bend down to not hit something.

The family went home, exhausted and happy. They tucked Kelly in, allowing the boys to stay up a little later. They fell asleep watching reruns of Friends, after hearing that the twins had never watched it.

 

The next day the kids headed off to school, the boys dropping Kelly off on their way.

Michael and Colin got ready for the trial, dressing up the same they did for the first trial.

Michael pauses at the door looking back at Colin. “You ready to nail the bastard?”

Colin grinned. “Let’s do this thing.

 

—————————UwU——————————

 

They arrived at the courthouse and met with their lawyer, who went over the plan one more time. Then they entered the courtroom, taking their seats next to their lawyer.

The trial began shortly after, the bailiff announcing the judge’s arrival. Their lawyer had the first statement, as they were the prosecutors.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this man, Thomas Taft, is a man guilty fo many crimes. We accuse him of rape, racial discrimination, assault...” Their lawyer continued her speech, and some of the jury were already glaring at Tommy.

Tommy’s lawyer then stood up and gave his opening remarks. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. The claim that my client would do any of these things is outrageous! My client is well respected...” The lawyer continued, and some of the jury began nodding on agreement.

 

Colin had been called to the stand, swearing the oath before his lawyer asked him to tell his story. He told his story, and answered a couple questions. 

“The defense wishes to cross examine Colin Jost.

Colin stayed seated, looking at Tommy’s lawyer as he approached the bench.

“Mr. Jost, you say the defendant sexually assaulted you, correct?”

“That is correct.” Colin said, evenly looking at him. Their lawyer had gone over facial expressions, advising them to never show emotion unless it was part of a story they were telling.

“You also said that you had agreed to do anything the defendant asked correct?”

Colon nodded slowly. “Yes sir.”

“Couldn’t you say that you therefore had agreed to have sex with Mr. Taft?”

“I believe that you are allowed to object to sex at any point during the...engagement.” Colin states, trying to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “He continued after I told him to stop, therefore it was sexual assault.” Colin raised an eyebrow. “Unless I have a misunderstanding of the law, sir.”

Tommy’s lawyer paused, obviously not expecting Colin to make that point. The judge looked at him, waiting to see if he was going to say something else. “Defense, do you have any further questions?”

“No, Your Honor, no further questions.”

Colin stepped down from the stand, squeezing Michael’s hand as he sat down.

Soon it was Michael’s turn to speak. He told the whole story, the assault from all those years ago, thinking Colin was cheating on him, following him to the bar, even the part where he punched Tommy.

Tommy’s lawyer walked up to cross examine him.

“Mr. Che, you are accusing Mr. Taft of assault, correct?”

Michael nodded. “Yes sir, among other things.”

“And yet, you said yourself that you assaulted Mr. Taft. Isn’t that a bit hypocritical?”

Michael could see their lawyer open her mouth to make an objection, but he shook his head. “Man, with all due respect, how did you manage to get a law degree if you’re this stupid? One, Tommy already tried me for assault, and I was found innocent. You should know, you were there. Two, as far as I know, the law isn’t based on hypocrisy, so it doesn’t matter at all, does it?”

The lawyer was silent for the second time that day. Michael chuckled, but it held no amusement. “Don't underestimate my fiancé and I because we’re comedians. Colin went to Harvard, you know, the big, fancy, smart-kid school? The school you wish you could’ve gotten into? In my family, my mom made us memorize laws so we could site our rights to cops. We make jokes about the news, so we do tend to keep what’s happening around us. We have been treated like animals by Thomas Taft, and we decided we wouldn’t stand for it. Any more questions?”

The lawyer shook his head. “No further questions. Your Honor, the defense rests its case.

The judge turned to their lawyer. “Prosecution?”

“Prosecution rests its case, Your Honor.”

The judge nodded. “Alright, we’re going to take a thirty minute recess. Jury, come up with your verdict.”

 

Colin and Michael headed outside, wanting some fresh air. “Well, that went well.” Colin said, leaning his head on Michael’s shoulder.

Michael nodded, pressing a kiss to Colin’s temple before leaning his head on top of Colin’s. “Hell yeah. We got him, Colin.”

They stood there in a comfortable silence. Soon the time was up, and they headed back to to the courtroom.

The judge entered the room and sat, everyone else sitting immediately after. “Jury, verdict please.”

The head juror stood up and read the verdict. “We the jury find Thomas Taft guilty of all charges.”

The judge gave his sentence, and ended the trial with a bang from his gavel.

Michael and Colin turned to each other, and Michael gave Colin a bear hug, picking him up and twirling him around.

As he was put down, they heard some cheering from the back of the room and looked back to see Josh, Jake, and Kelly running toward them. “We did it!” The people still in the courtroom smiled at the sight, letting out a few ”awwww”s as the family did a big group hug.

Colin began to cry as he picked up Kelly and twirled her around. “Why are you crying? The bad guy went to jail. We did it!” Kelly said confused, as she wiped the tears off of Colin’s face.

Colin smiled. “They’re happy tears.” Kelly nodded wisely. Sometimes she cried whenever he tickled her. He put her down, and took her hand in his left, and Jake’s hand in his right. Michael put Jake’s other hand in his left, and Josh’s hand in his right, and together they walked home, a happy, healing family.


	12. The Finale

Two years later, Colin and Michael were married. Kelly had been their flower girl, Josh and Jake the ring bearers.

They were a happy family. Leslie, Kate, Kyle, Beck, and Cecile had all earned the right to Aunt and Uncle titles.

The kids spent all lot of time at 30 Rock, and all the cast, as well as the writers, makeup artists, and Wally all knew them. Kelly was adopted as the mascot of all things wonderful, and the boys had made quick comedians of themselves, sometimes meeting up with writers to discuss ideas, or talking to cast members about stand up. They were set to appear in the latest commercial parody. They were all officially adopted by Colin and Michael in January.

 

Colin and Michael lived happily with each other, three kids, and a dog. They couldn’t imagine a happier life, and everyone who knew them agreed that they were happier than they had ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been fun! I’m glad I got to add to the (much too small) Michael/Colin fandom. I’m going to work on my other work to try to finish, then hopefully write some more. If you have any suggestions /prompts, let me know, and I’ll try to write them.


End file.
